Defeating the Bully Without Fighting
If someone came up to you and wanted to fight, would you know how to respond? If you fight, you go against the real meaning of Kung Fu. If you run away, you may be happy to escape bodily harm but your ego may not feel so good. If the problem goes unsolved, the bully will probably confront you again. If you freeze, you are probably very afraid, which is normal, but this won't help your situation any. So what is a person to do?

In my Kung Fu school students are taught physical self-defense skills to help them feel confident if they have to fight but they are strongly encouraged not to fight. When you are taught to defend yourself, you are actually being taught how to stop a fight. The reason you can stop a fight without fighting is that you are not afraid, or at least less afraid of the other person. If you have confidence because you know how to defend yourself, you don't have to fight. You don't have to prove anything to anyone because you know what you can and can't do.

But how can you stop other people from wanting to beat you up? How do you stop them from fighting?

The following is a list of a few ways to stop a fight through non-violent means -what we call "mental self-defense". Remember that true students of Kung Fu are gentle people who always try to end a fight with their minds instead of their fists and feet. This is the way of real power and strength. Like I always say to my students, your mind is your most important weapon. However, if you have no choice and must fight, try to do it in a way that is not harmful.

  • Make friends. Treat the bully as a friend instead of an enemy. Most bullies are lonely and insecure people and are in need of a friend.

  • Use humor. You can try to turn a scary situation into a funny one, but be careful not to make fun of the bully because this will only make the situation worse.

  • Use trickery. Your imagination is your only limit. Pretend you are sick, pretend to have a sore leg, tell him your friends are about to meet with you, etc.

  • Simply walk away. Don't get into his game. Just walk away. This is a simple way to end conflict before it begins.

  • Agree with an insult. If a bully attacks you verbally, agree with him even if you feel hurt and insulted. Just agree and see what happens.

  • Refuse to fight. One way to stop a conflict is just not fight, no matter what happens.

  • Stand up to the bully. This can work, but it can also make the bully angrier, so be careful.

  • Ignore the threats. This is similar to simply walking away, even though he is calling you a coward and trying to get you angry. Remember you have nothing to prove.

  • Use authority. Call a teacher, parent or anyone you know who can help stop the bully from hurting you.

  • Reason with the bully. If you are a good talker, perhaps you and the bully can talk it out. If you don't argue or get angrier.

    There are many more methods for stopping conflict before it starts. Perhaps you, your friends or family can think of others. Learn physical self-defense so you don't have to fight, and learn mental self-defense to avoid and resolve conflict before it becomes physical. Be a victor not a victim through the study of Kung Fu.

    Written By Sifu Rino Côté


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